I Hope You're Happy, Internet

Apr 18

Brian Benben got the wrong vanity plates and sent his car to the Audi repair shop near my office. They don’t know how to fix a broken vanity plate so it’s just been sitting on the sidewalk all week.

Brian Benben got the wrong vanity plates and sent his car to the Audi repair shop near my office. They don’t know how to fix a broken vanity plate so it’s just been sitting on the sidewalk all week.

Apr 13

bassnotmidrange:

"Lorde, you always look like Smeagol from Lord of the Rings…A nuh our fault say you caan sing live. Gwaan from ya Miss One Hit Wonder."lol - journalist from Jamaica Star rips into Lorde in response to the singer’s comments about reggae music. 

Kinda want to subscribe to the Jamaica Star now, trying to teach myself patois might compel me to read enough entertainment news to know who the hell modern pop celebrities are.

bassnotmidrange:

"Lorde, you always look like Smeagol from Lord of the Rings…A nuh our fault say you caan sing live. Gwaan from ya Miss One Hit Wonder."

lol - journalist from Jamaica Star rips into Lorde in response to the singer’s comments about reggae music. 

Kinda want to subscribe to the Jamaica Star now, trying to teach myself patois might compel me to read enough entertainment news to know who the hell modern pop celebrities are.

Mar 07

An entire shelf of things read at work

An entire shelf of things read at work

Mar 04

“Yesterday on the street I saw a man wearing a T-Shirt, and it said, “Royal Majesty,” in big letters, and then under it, “Cruises,” and then there was some additional information about the happiness attending someone who had taken, or was going to take, a Royal Majesty Cruise. The man was, by my perception, homeless, or nearly so, at least he was pushing a grocery cart full of his personal belongings; he wasn’t in any case, a fully functional citizen, by my perception, and I thought, well, how interesting. The man was African-American, he might have had a T-Shirt that said, “Give a Damn,” or one of the civil rights slogans of another day, or he might have had a T-shit that said, “Give a Man a Job,” or “Give a Man a Break,” or just a T-shirt that said nothing at all, but he didn’t; he had a Royal Majesty Cruise T-shirt. It was a sweatshirt, I’ll correct myself. And I thought, what is this new vogue — and it is a new vogue — for the royals?” —

(George W.S. Trow, My Pilgrim’s Progress, 1999)

  1. Entirely too many commas, George. Your old typewriter must have pitched a fit.
  2. Are you sure that the (presumably free) clothing that someone you identify as a mentally ill homeless man is wearing for warmth is the right place to divine broad cultural trends?
  3. What relevance does this man’s race have to the story? Is this like when people feel the need to complain about getting cut off by this “awful woman driver” or the “incredibly rude MEXICAN lady working at Rite Aid,” as if that affects their inability to properly ring up your toiletries?
  4. I feel really dumb for carting this book around meaning to read it for the better part of a decade. Maybe this is meant to be  some of the “wackily bracing” “close reading” that leads to “brilliantly provocative” critiques of culture. It read more to me that Trow inherently mistrusted anything invented post-1955, like hiring an editior, or research methods.
  5. Okay that last part isn’t entirely fair, he re-reads a grip of apparently arbitrary issues of New York newspapers from his adolesence, but in the same breath doesn’t bother to look up the name of actors or plots of films or dates of events that he introduces. Perhaps this is some sort of long-game of how unimportant it is to watch some stupid Madonna video or know the name of some dumb guy who was in Dog Day Afternoon, and if people stopped caring about that we’d all go back to memorizing Wordsworth and Bunyan like clearly every man woman and child did back in 1909, when things were great (assuming you weren’t a woman or gay or non-white or not Protestant or poor or dying of tuberculosis or polio or measles)

Mar 02

I don’t even want to — who am I kidding, I definitely want to know.

I don’t even want to — who am I kidding, I definitely want to know.

Mar 01

How is it that the flamboyant young pro wrestler is wearing an outfit that wouldn’t be out of place at Brooklyn Flea the second the temperature rises above freezing, and the respected journalist in the audience is wearing some hideous parody of 1980s clothing?

How is it that the flamboyant young pro wrestler is wearing an outfit that wouldn’t be out of place at Brooklyn Flea the second the temperature rises above freezing, and the respected journalist in the audience is wearing some hideous parody of 1980s clothing?

Feb 19

Oklahoma Earthquakes: Fracking, Or Just Ordinary Seismic Activity? | TIME.com -

hallekiefer:

Guys, Oklahoma has had over 100 earthquakes in the last WEEK! How are people not discussing this more? Is it the fucking Olympics? Is it my OLYMPIC GIFCAPS DEAR GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE but seriously, please read this article. It is very alarming and bizarre.

I don’t want to kick anyone when they’re down, but as per traditional logic around events like these: might God be punishing them for legalizing neither gay marriage nor marijuana?

Feb 17

It’s going to be really hard to get the center of those Ws medium rare, Mean Gene. Look how badly the “GREAT AMERICAN BASH” meat carving is flaring up in the background!
I bet this made a lot of people want to buy the PPV though, to see how those burgers turned out.

It’s going to be really hard to get the center of those Ws medium rare, Mean Gene. Look how badly the “GREAT AMERICAN BASH” meat carving is flaring up in the background!

I bet this made a lot of people want to buy the PPV though, to see how those burgers turned out.

Feb 08

- Walt Whitman, Drum-Taps 1865
An eerily prescient poem I found while preparing for Lincolntine’s Day

- Walt Whitman, Drum-Taps 1865

An eerily prescient poem I found while preparing for Lincolntine’s Day

Feb 06

I have not seen this film, nor have I read any review or synopsis. I choose to believe that the film uses Proposition 8 as a backdrop, and Ice Cube’s character is unwilling to let his sister marry Kevin Hart until EVERYONE can have their marriage recognized by the state. That is the only logical reason for him to be so deadset against some guy wanting to make a lifelong commitment to his sister. “I know exactly what this guy wants” Cube grouses in the trailer. Yes: he wants to devote himself entirely to someone. But until Detective Cube and his boyfriend get equal rights, ICE CUBE IS NOT HAVING IT.

I have not seen this film, nor have I read any review or synopsis. I choose to believe that the film uses Proposition 8 as a backdrop, and Ice Cube’s character is unwilling to let his sister marry Kevin Hart until EVERYONE can have their marriage recognized by the state. That is the only logical reason for him to be so deadset against some guy wanting to make a lifelong commitment to his sister. “I know exactly what this guy wants” Cube grouses in the trailer. Yes: he wants to devote himself entirely to someone. But until Detective Cube and his boyfriend get equal rights, ICE CUBE IS NOT HAVING IT.